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 Try these 5 tips to becoming a happy stepmother

We all know that stepmothers get a bad rap in fairy tales. In reality, it's a role that necessitates a great deal of patience, calm, and - in most cases - a very strong filter.

Whether you are entering a stepfamily with or without children of your own, taking on responsibility for someone else's children can be stressful. It may even worsen into more serious conditions like depression and anxiety.

"Women who don't have prior children often suffer from greater anxiety, which can be related to their lack of confidence in parenting and the significant changes to their single life prior to the relationship," says Dr. Lisa Doodson, author of How To Be A Happy Stepmum.

"However, it's important to remember that all stepmothers face similar issues, which are frequently related to understanding their role in the family, dealing with the children, and also dealing with the biological mother, so you're not alone."

Taking care of yourself is essential, so implement these five suggestions right away to become a happier stepmom.

1. Schedule regular date nights

“The adult relationship is arguably the most important relationship in the stepfamily; without it, there is no stepfamily,” Lisa says.

Because there was never a time "before children" in a stepfamily, setting aside time - whether weekly or monthly - for you and your partner to "just be a couple" is critical. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive; it just needs to be time for the two of you to be together without the stress of children.

2. Recognize that not all stepfamilies are the same. 

Custody arrangements, the nature of the relationship between the children's biological parents, and how the children deal with a new adult in their lives are all things over which you have no control, so try not to set expectations for how your stepfamily will grow.

“It is unlikely that a strong bond between a stepmom and her stepchildren will develop immediately, so don't put too much pressure on it,” says Dr Karen Phillip, a psychotherapist, family counsellor, and stepmom. “As with any other relationship, it takes time to develop and for everyone to get to know one another, so try not to force things or put undue pressure on yourself.”

3. Delegate your partner's discipline (in the beginning)

When it comes to discipline, experts say it's fine to step back gracefully. “Over time, stepmothers can take on a larger role, but it is critical that they are supported by their partner, and they should only begin getting involved when they have more confidence and have been a part of the family for a significant period of time,” Lisa says.

4. Exercise good behavior.

Resentment toward your stepchildren is not uncommon. It is, in fact, extremely common. This is especially true if you are entering the partnership without having any children of your own. Suddenly, your weekends are consumed by football games, dance lessons, and other child-related obligations.

“Planning is important, so if the kids are coming for the weekend, make sure you have spoken with your partner and agreed on the plans,” Lisa advises. “If necessary, divide it into segments so that some activities are child-friendly, but there is downtime for catching up on chores or even spending time with friends or other couples.”

5. Take responsibility for your own happiness.

“Don't get so caught up in trying to be everything to everyone that you lose sight of yourself,” Karen advises. Moving in with a pre-made family can be extremely intimidating, especially if you don't already have children of your own.

“It's important to take things slowly, which includes making time for yourself, staying in touch with old friends, and maintaining your own interests and hobbies,” Lisa advises. “This will assist you in dealing more effectively with the stresses of forming a new family unit and establishing new relationships.

"Happiness is concerned with well-being. We are more likely to be healthy and capable of dealing with life's challenges if we are happy.”

 Related:  Twelve Things a Stepmother Should Never Say