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 5 Emotional Challenges Every Stepmom Will Encounter

Every day, people make mistakes, learn, adapt, and deal with complicated and perplexing emotions.

Some particularly difficult emotions in the case of stepmoms can cause severe gridlock in the already awkward step parenting journey.

Looking back on their own experiences, even seasoned stepmoms who have already raised their stepchildren wish they had more insight into their own emotions.

Unfortunately, every step parenting situation is unique, and even the most stable situation can shift in an instant when dealing with blended family dynamics.

 

Here are 5 emotions that are especially difficult for many stepmothers to let go of, as well as some advice for the journey:

1. Fear

Fear is an emotion that pervades all humans and animals on the planet. It is not unusual or unusual. However, it paralyzes many people in their daily lives.

Stepmothers are frequently placed in awkward and uncomfortable situations. This can be frightening at first, and it can be difficult to navigate. There is apprehension about being judged by other parents, the biological mother, or other family members. There is apprehension about not being good enough for the task at hand.

A stepmother is stepping in to help raise and care for a child who is not her biological child. This child or children could be very young or teenagers. Stepmothers are in charge of these children to some extent, if not entirely. This is a tremendous responsibility!

Just as a new mother who has just given birth is likely to be concerned that she doesn't know what she's doing, a stepmom is concerned about being a total failure. There is nothing to be ashamed of. This fear can be alleviated with the right amount of support from your partner, friends, or family members.

Will the terror ever truly vanish? Most likely not. But this is part of being a parent, and it is completely normal for a stepmom to be terrified at times. Just try not to let it take over your entire life. If that happens, there is help available.

2. Guilt

Stepmothers carry guilt in the same way that biological parents do. Stepmothers may feel guilty about how much time they spend or do not spend with their stepchildren, as well as whether they are giving enough energy, or perhaps even too much energy, thereby stepping on the toes of a biological parent.

Stepmothers may feel guilty if they do not feel the love for their stepchildren that society or even their spouse expects of them.

The levels of inadequacy that can infiltrate a stepmom's world are substantial. In many cases, falling into the comparison trap and constantly trying to be everything for your blended family can lead to paralyzing depression.

The guilt that comes with trying to be your own person with your own life while also attempting to be the stepmom who is always there and shows up is a real quandary.

A stepmom who is especially close to her stepchild may feel guilty about that bond, concerned that she is creating tense loyalty bonds or that it is harming her stepchild's relationship with their biological mother.

The most important thing to remember is that guilt is not a productive emotion, and much of it can probably be alleviated with better communication.

3. Jealousy

This is a common emotion felt by people from all walks of life. It can be especially difficult for stepmothers because the children they care for will almost always compare them to their biological mother.

Stepmoms may be envious of a stepchild's relationship with their biological parent, especially if they are very close to their stepchild. Stepmothers may be envious of their spouse's and ex's previous relationship because they share a history.

Envy is a normal emotion that can be overcome with continued self-assurance, effort, and patience. It's common for stepmothers to envy families who don't have to deal with the complexities of a blended family, such as child transportation, extra planning for holidays or events, and the mental exhaustion of trying to please everyone.

When you have a blended family, envy is unavoidable. Envy also pays a visit to his biological parents. The best thing any stepmom can do is simply deal with any envious feelings that arise and find a healthy way to cope with circumstances.

4. Anger

Angry feelings are as common as they come, but many of us still struggle with navigating this easily elicited emotion.

Anger is a normal emotion for stepmothers to experience. But it's also the most difficult emotion for stepmothers to suppress.

Stepmoms will need to learn how to express their frustration in any given situation before it explodes into a full-fledged rage, whether it's anger over changed schedules, insensitive words, or just someone's behavior in general.

Working through anger can be a difficult and time-consuming process for many stepmothers, especially when dealing with high-conflict exes or dysfunctional co-parents. Getting rid of anger will take time. It is a procedure.

Remember that while experiencing anger is normal, learning to work through it to a positive place is critical.

5. Resentment

This is a significant one. Resentment is the icing on the cake that can set off everything else in a stepmom's life. It's not easy to be resentful of your blended family situation, your ex, or your stepkids. Unfortunately, it will come up during the stepmom journey.

When you believe you are doing too much as a stepmother, resentment may arise.

Assume you are doing the majority of the school pick-ups, drop-offs, or homework duties and you feel it is interfering with your ability to do other things. This will lead to resentment.

On the other hand, as a stepmom, you may feel resentful because you believe you are being excluded from too many activities or even decisions. Nothing is worse than feeling like an outsider.

In general, if you're dealing with or have dealt with any situation as a stepmom that makes you feel like you're not being treated fairly, you're probably dealing with a good deal of resentment.

The only effective way to deal with resentment is to either change the situation or express your grievances clearly. Otherwise, that dreadful feeling will only worsen over time.

Related:  5 Reasons Being a Stepmom is Super Cool (And 5 Reasons it Totally Sucks)