5 Reasons Being a Stepmom is Super Cool (And 5 Reasons it Totally Sucks)
Most women are unprepared for the journey of step-parenting when they are younger. When was the last time you heard a ten-year-old say, "Someday, I'll meet my Prince Charming, and he and I and his three pre-teen children will all live happily ever after?"
For the majority of my twenties, I avoided dating men with children. I was in no way prepared to handle that level of responsibility. But sometimes love hits you over the head with a frying pan, and the flower girl and ring bearer are about to start calling you their stepmother, and the 16-year-old bridesmaid starts calling you “Mommy” in public because it amuses her, just as calling my parents' giant German Shepherd “Kitty” to the point where she responds to it amuses me. Being a stepmother can be one of the most rewarding, but also one of the most thankless jobs a woman can have.
1. Being a stepmother is fantastic because:
You're regarded as the "cool" parent figure.
Every time I drop my youngest step daughter off at one of the many Saturday birthday parties she attends, she makes me get out of the car and meet the parents of her friends. It felt awkward at first because these parents know her mother and are aware that I am only her stepmother, but then I realized she is showcasing me. I'm young and "cool" to a 10-year-old, which isn't saying much. I also have to admit that it feels good because I am generally much younger than most of her friends' mothers, which will be completely opposite when I have my own children... We're not getting any younger here... So don't pass judgment.
Mom and Dad can make mistakes with their own children, but you don't.
It's no big deal if Mom or Dad makes a mistake and swears in front of the kids. When I pick them up, I inadvertently have the remastered version of "The Chronic" playing in the car, and it's World War III. I have to be on my best behavior with the kids at all times or risk incurring the wrath of a rather litigious custodial parent.
Dr. Dre is no longer allowed in my car on Saturdays, the “Fuh-Q” sticker I had on my white board has been relegated to the underwear drawer due to an unfortunate reading-aloud-without-thinking incident, and for the thousandth time, I have no idea how my 10-year-old stepdaughter knows the lyrics to “Get Low,” so please stop asking.
2. Being a stepmom is fantastic because:
Your outside perspective on issues benefits the kids.
My 16-year-old stepdaughter expressed an interest in caring for a baby bird. Her mother said "no" because of a previous experience, and she was devastated and despised her for it.
I intervened and explained that her mother wanted to protect her from the pain she would feel if the bird died, and she realized that her mother was only acting in her best interests. The problem was solved in an hour, just like in an episode of Seventh Heaven, and everyone was happy. Lesson learned.... Well, not really, but you get the idea. Because I am not the authoritative parent, I have the ability to act as a mediator, but I am still an adult and (usually) respected as such.
But it's a total bummer because:
You get no points for being nice to someone else's children.
What about Mother's Day? I've got it covered. Let's go spend my hard-earned money on gifts for the woman who uses every opportunity to undermine my husband and me, and smile through the bitterness, because I want to teach you guys some respect by example.
What should I get my mother for Mother's Day? A playing card. It came from the cat.
3. Being a stepmom is fantastic because:
You discover a lot about yourself.
I never imagined myself capable of loving children who were not my own in the same way that I love my stepchildren. For the first time in my life, I put someone else ahead of myself, and I don't regret it. I no longer have any disposable income, and I'm fine with that.
I'll contact a band via email. I don't even like it because my stepson is devastated because he misplaced a souvenir from their concert, then ecstatic when they sent him a replacement souvenir and a follow-up email. Not because I benefit from it, but because the child is happy and is now one childhood memory away from needing therapy as an adult.
And I realize how much I adore MY OWN MOTHER. I called her several times in the last year to apologize for being rude or bratty to her throughout my childhood, adolescence, and yesterday when I made fun of her email forwards.
But it's a total bummer because:
You're told all the time, "You don't know; you don't have kids."
That I am aware of. But I am also a reasonably intelligent human being capable of making logical and rational decisions based on the facts of the current situation. There has never been a time when I have not had the best interests of the children in mind, even after three months of having limited use of my right leg due to major hip surgery. If I make even one decision that could be interpreted as selfish, I will inevitably hear, "You don't know what it's like to have your own kids." As unfair as it may appear, there is no way to respond to that. When you hear that, the debate is over.
4. Being a stepmom is fantastic because:
You get to experience what it's like to be a parent without having to go through the birthing process.
It's like getting a sneak peek at parenthood without the stretch marks and hemorrhoids. When my yet-to-be-conceived child has a problem at school or a growing-up issue, I will at least have a rough idea of what to expect. I will have an advantage over first-time parents in terms of balancing a demanding career and children, scheduling Saturday errands around birthday parties, and completing a last-minute school project the day before it is due.
But it's a total bummer because:
You will never be their biological mother.
That is all there is to it.
5. Being a stepmom is fantastic because:
You now have a reason to watch Hannah Montana.
Let's face it: there's something about that horse-faced little brat that is just so damned charming. Oliver and Lilly may be retarded, but Jackson is the shizznit. They just moved into a new house, and it's amazing.
But it's a total bummer because:
The kids aren't around every day for 10 hours, which is roughly the amount of time Hannah Montana airs on Disney.
You get caught because you forgot to delete it from the DVR, and you'll never get over it. Never, ever.
Do you find being a stepmom cool? If yes, this Single Mom Mug Mother’s Day Cup Because You Did It All is for you.
Related: Things You Might Not Know About ‘Stepmom’
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