5 things a stepdad does only when he truly loves your children
Blended families are more common than ever before, and many stepfathers do as much (or more) for their stepchildren as their biological fathers. However, not all stepparents immediately bond with their stepchildren.
The Step Family Center emphasizes that the bond between a man (or woman) and their new spouse's children can take time to form and that it is critical to give the new family relationships time to develop.
So, how do you know if your new husband genuinely cares about the children you brought into the marriage? The best way is to ask him, but if you're not sure you want to hear the answer, keep an eye out for these subtle cues:
1. He deals with both the difficult and frustrating aspects of his job as well as the enjoyable aspects.
Anyone can go to the park, eat ice cream, and take adorable photos of laughing children. But what happens when they have a temper tantrum, puke all over the floor, or their laughter turns to tears?
It's difficult to clean up vomit and listen to screaming when it's your own child, so doing it for someone else's (without even thinking about it) is a huge step forward.
2. He frets and worries about them alongside you.
When you're worried about your children, a supportive partner will always be there for you, but at some point, you may notice that your man's role shifts. Rather than being a sympathetic bystander or a shoulder to cry on, he will actively share your concerns about your children. A good husband is supportive of his wife. A good father is concerned about his children.
This shift can be unsettling. On the one hand, you're less isolated. Your husband, on the other hand, has gone from being reassuring and calm to worrying alongside you.
Children can be a source of concern at times. As parents, sometimes all we can do is weather the storm together. If your man expresses genuine concern for your children, it's a sign he adores you.
3. He encourages them to maintain a positive relationship with their biological father.
When you care about someone, you want the best for them. Your children's relationship with their biological father may be close, strained, or non-existent, but you know your man loves them when he ignores his own feelings about your ex. He encourages your children to have a healthy relationship with their biological father, whatever that may be.
4. He is concerned about their long-term prospects.
It's easy to make decisions that will make life easier or make you popular as the "new" or "substitute" father figure in your children's lives. Though it may seem strange, the first sign that he truly loves your children could be him nagging your grade-schooler to finish his homework or telling your adolescent she can't go to the all-night party. He's evolved from trying to be the cool stepdad to someone who considers their futures and assists them in making sound decisions.
5. He treats them as if they are his own.
Because every parent is unique, how your new husband treats your children does not have to be identical to how you treat them. If he has biological children, he will hopefully get to the point where he treats your children the same way he treats his own.
It doesn't really matter if that's firm but fair or overly affectionate. We all express love in our own unique ways.
Did you have a moment when you realized your new husband genuinely cared about your children? Please share it with us in the comments section.
Related: Try these 5 tips to becoming a happy stepmother
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