10 Things Only Hardcore Bookworms Do
You almost certainly know more than one, and if you're reading this, you're probably one yourself. I'm referring to bookworms. They are also known as book aficionados, book nerds, book freaks, and book lovers. All of those names are effective, but I'd like to focus on their acts today. Bookworms are strange for a variety of reasons, but when it comes to reading, books, and literature, they inhabit a unique mental/physical space marked by stacks of books everywhere, frequent purchases, intense conversations, and a few other characteristics. All of these factors combine to produce unusual behavior. I can assure you that I am well-versed in the subject. The following are ten things that most die-hard bookworms do.
1. Purchase books on a regular basis.
We purchase books. We buy books on a regular basis. When we don't have enough money for other things, we buy books, and when we do, we buy more books than normal. We consider book purchases first, followed by food, rent, and the electric bill. We purchase books minutes after leaving the house and having to walk past piles of unread books. It makes no difference that the apocalypse could occur tomorrow, and we could spend the rest of our lives reading without running out of content to learn. The important thing is that we have books to read whenever we want to. We buy books because they're fun, smell good, feel right, and take up no room. They're also our mates.
2. Purchase the same book several times
"I'm not familiar with this version." "It's impossible to ignore this cover." "This one is autographed." "This is the one I used to have when I was younger." "It's just a dollar!" exclaims the narrator. "I'll keep it and give it to someone else later." I've even used it to justify buying a third edition of Langston Hughes' The Dream Keeper and Other Poems: "I mean, I already have two editions, but this one is illustrated!" Hardcore bookworms will invent fantastic excuses why they "intend" to purchase a book they already own. On the other side, we can unintentionally purchase the same book twice.
On the other side, we can unintentionally purchase the same book twice. We're not going to drive home and rummage through our piles for it; we're going to buy it again.
3. Don't judge people based on their bookcases or shelves.
I understand that this is a difficult pill to take. I'm also aware that some of you would argue that you are superior human beings to me and that you are incapable of judging others. So, fuck it, I'm being brutally frank here, and being judgmental has kept me alive thus far, so I'm going to keep it up. If you invite me to your home and give me a tour and I don't see a single book, I'm tempted to leave because who the hell doesn't own at least a few books?
A house devoid of books is akin to a body devoid of soul. If you have any books, we bookworms can find a way to get our hands on them and read them. Then we will judge you silently and with a smile on our faces. "If you go home with someone and they don't have books, don't fuck them," said John Waters, and I believe most bookworms would agree wholeheartedly. Similarly, the quality of the books on your shelf would most likely change our opinion of you. The books you own/read, as well as how you handle animals, are two variables that I consider to be at the top of the list.
Even if you're a mercenary, I'll get down with you if you read nice shit and treat animals well. Is this really that bad? Yes, indeed. Is this unjust because the word "nice books" is subjective? Yes, indeed. Does it make a difference to us? No way. Can we make a shift or just without doing it?
4. Get overly enthusiastic about new books.
We've had a tough day at work, but when we get home, there's a box waiting for us. The new book we've been waiting for is inside the box. The day has been produced. When the sun comes out, the darkness that accompanied the opening of that box dissipates like morning fog. Even when a writer whose work we admire releases a new novel, we get excited.
Sure, it's months out, often a year or more, but we already know about it and are looking forward to it because books are fantastic.
5. Get preoccupied with deciding which books to bring on a tour.
I sometimes bring fewer shirts than I'll need, and I've had to wash my socks and hang them to dry on the curtain rod in hotels all over the world, but I still bring a good book. I also carry much more than I'll need for various reasons. When going on a vacation, most people would bring their electronic reading device or a novel with them. We're not talking about die-hard bookworms here. No, we're bringing five or six books with us. We might bring something we're working on right now, as well as a few new books to read on the way.
We've mastered the art of surviving airports. On the plane, we don't watch bad movies. We don't mind if we're the only passengers on the plane. We have books, so we're all set.
6. Have books on hand at all times.
This isn't a joke; I'm talking about it everywhere. We have books in our car, on top of our desks, in the living room, on the stairs, inside our backpacks, on the kitchen counter, in the bathroom, next to the bed, next to the couch, on the shelves...you get the idea. I have added a single shelf to the top of my toilet because you never know when you'll be stuck in there for some strange reason. The books are a top priority for us as we relocate. When we clean, we start with the books. We save the books first and fuck the furniture when there's water coming in under the door.
7. We read at all times and in all places.
That is why we have books all over the place. We read at home, in the car, in the shower, on the bus, on the subway, while waiting for a doctor's appointment, in line at the grocery store, at the bus stop, while waiting for the water to boil...hell, some bookworms prepare a nice bath and read half-submerged in warm water. We also read whenever we like. Reading is never too early or too late. Reading can never be too cold or too hot. We just finished reading. We spend our time reading.
8. Read many books at the same time
Another difficult one. Some people read two books at the same time. Some people read five books at the same time. Some people read ten books because they enjoy the constant shifting and variety, as well as not getting bored with the same book. As a reviewer, I've been known to read up to 40 books at once. It's fantastic. It's plain to see how the chaos of many books occurs. You're somewhere, and someone you love recommends a book to you. You have the book on your shelves or in your stacks. It's cracked open by you. The next day, you receive a new novel in the mail that you've been anticipating, and you begin reading it right away.
9. You have an odd sense of time.
We also think of a time in terms of pages or paragraphs. At other times, we lose all sense of time. You have to get ready and shower, but you want to read one more line. Congratulations, an hour has passed and you are now late. Once more. We've all been in that situation. For die-hard readers, there are moments when a story takes precedence over everything things and keeps us captive for an inordinate period of time. Is it possible to read all night and still be exhausted at work? Yes, of course. Were we going to be late for an event while we were reading? A good number of occasions. Cancel an appointment you didn't want to go to because that novel is so good? Yes.
10. Develop a love for reading.
Hardcore bookworms are typically ardent readers. I didn't say aloud, but I did say enthusiastically. You'll see if you talk to one of us about reading, favorite authors, or something else related to books. Passion also refers to the desire to deconstruct a story academically in order to explore it...and then turn around and yell about how those who refuse to use bookmarks and just bend the cover/pages back are monsters (looking at you, Max Booth III). We love books and want everyone to adore them as much as we do, which is a good thing because books and reading make the world a happier, more intelligent place.
Looking for a great gift for book lovers? Consider I Am A Book Dragon Not A Worm Mug.
Related: 15 Things Only Book Lovers Would Truly Understand
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