7 Things Every Stepmom Needs To Hear
Being a stepmother can be a difficult and isolating job. She bears essentially the same level of responsibility as biological parents, but she isn't always perceived - or treated - as such.
Even her closest friends and family may be unaware of the difficulties she is facing. Or that just a few encouraging words would make a huge difference in her life.
So, for those of you who have stepmoms in your lives, here are 7 things that every stepmom should hear every now and then:
You're doing an excellent job.
Husbands, take note. Your wife is attempting to balance everything, to belong, to not step on anyone's toes, and to be the best wife and stepmom she can be. And she's always wondering if she's doing it correctly.
Tell her she's doing a great job, even if it's only once in a while.
This one is also for stepmothers' friends and family. She probably doesn't show how difficult the struggle can be. Simply tell her that you appreciate everything she does the next time you talk about her kids or family life.
She does not require praise on a daily basis. But every stepmom needs to hear something. She is desperate to be noticed.
You are cherished.
Your stepmother may not always feel very loved in your life. She is most likely aware that her husband adores her. But she also gets pulled in a lot of different directions while juggling kids, home, work, and so on.
And when stepchildren act out their rage against her, it isn't always as easy for the stepmother to let it go. She is not biologically related to the children in the same way that her husband is. As a result, she may feel insecure or uncertain about whether her love for her stepchildren is reciprocated.
So, even if you know she already knows you adore her, tell her. Every stepmother should hear it.
What can I do to assist?
This is a two-for-one deal. If you see her in need of assistance with the kids, the house, or anything else, simply ask how you can help. She'll most likely tell you she's fine. And she could be. However, she will appreciate the offer.
Pamper her with a pedicure (when spas reopen, of course). Offer her an afternoon to herself. Make her a bath. Simply inform her that you are partners. And you want to encourage and support her.
You are a true mother.
Please keep this in mind among all the things stepmoms need to hear. I became an instant parent when I first married and had my instant family. But I felt like a complete phony. It was strange picking up the kids from school and staying at home with them when they were sick.
And it felt strange to talk about them. As if I didn't have the right to.
I recall being at a work meeting with some coworkers discussing morning routines and mentioning how early one of my stepchildren has to get up for school. “You only have to worry about it half the time,” my colleague replied.
I felt like I'd been put in my place right away. Of course, I didn't have the right to speak about children as if I were a real parent. I was only a stepfather. And only half of the time.
No way!! That is not the appropriate response. Stepmothers, whether your stepchildren are with you 5 percent, 50%, or 100% of the time, you ARE a parent.
Also, if you have a stepmom in your life, please remind her of this.
I understand how difficult it is for you.
Sometimes stepmothers just need to be understood. There is no way that our husbands or family can comprehend all of the complex emotions that come with stepparenting.
But what if they can recognize that it isn't always rainbows and unicorns and express that to us? That is all we require of them. And when they do, it makes us feel a lot better.
Thank you very much.
This is for you, husbands. Thank your lovely wives for everything they do for you and your children.
Have I mentioned how difficult stepmother can be? That's correct. So a simple “thank you” every now and then will go a long way.
This is something I can attest to from personal experience. My husband Craig will occasionally look at me and say those two magical words. It usually comes out of nowhere, and I usually ask him, "for what?" And he'll respond, "for everything you do."
Every time I hear it, I get a warm feeling.
You have a place here.
This is a significant one. And it's both a "show" and a "tell" situation. Stepmothers may feel insecure about their role in the family. She may feel out of place depending on her relationship with the children. Are you always bringing up events that occurred before she arrived? Do you involve her in major decisions? Do you agree with her choices?
It not only helps her to hear from time to time that you appreciate the role she plays in the family, but you can also show her she belongs with small gestures of inclusion.
Reminisce with the children about the times the family spent with her. A pleasurable excursion or journey. If the kids approach you with an important request, make sure she is present to consider it.
Involve her in any other decisions you make involving the children.
Also, please remember her on Mother's Day (I know this should be a no-brainer, but just saying). If you're looking for unique gifts for her, consider Stepmom Mug Not A Step Mom The Mom That Stepped Up.
Each stepparenting situation is unique. However, there are some common threads. I guarantee that if you start expressing some of these feelings to the stepmom in your life, you will be able to help her.
Do you want to hear something as a stepmom? Please leave a comment!
Related: 5 Hard Truths About Being a Stepmom
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